enlightenment

Long ago i read stories on enlightenment on how it took couple of arduous years for Budhdha to attain enlightenment - it took thousands of years of practise for Vishwamitra to get enlightened. So, i discarded it as a goal unattainable. In 2000, my wife told me that one could get enlightenment without a lot of effort. This is what her Guru had told her. I dismissed it as nonsensical talk then. Over a period of time, i could sense a lot of struggle in my life despite the fact that i was having a good family, good relationships and good material comforts. I started to investigate it a little further and discovered that i really had a terrible mind, that it is not letting me be calm - all the time making stirring noises. I wanted to find out if there is any solution to this. I tried physical exercise, meditation, reading books but nothing helped me to my satisfaction. Then i thought why not i try from my wife's Guru. So, i went to Oneness University founded by Sri Amma and Bhagawan. I attended atleast 5 courses ranging from 3 days to 15 days. After each course, i found a profound shift in my mindset. I found myself very calm. I could stay with my emotions. I can confound fear to a certain extent. I discovered my emotional faultlines. I found what i lacked in my relationships. Then one day it came as a big realization to me that enlightenment indeed is possible. I am fairly confident now, that enlightenment can happen. All you need to do is to know yourself and accept it; then seek for enlightenment {from whom? i sought my Guru Sri Amma and Bhagawan, you could seek it from your God or Guru}.

Accepting oneself is the key- I would broadly say these would be the steps.
a) Discovering our resistance to events, thoughts, emotions, conditions - all kinds of resistances and identifying those in relation to yourself. Ex.. I had to meet my goal. I cannot work on it, because i have some resistance to it. When i look at it, the resistance could be because of a fear of failure. My self is not able to take fear of failure.
b) Knowing that we get these kind of thoughts .. jealousy, laziness, craving, selfishness, fear.
d) Knowing that you cannot do anything about these.
e) Finally you would be able to accept yourself as you are - this is either a total liberation from your old conditioning, or a deep awareness of your conditioning.

After the acceptance phase, enlightenment is a matter of happening. I can safely say that self acceptance itself is an exhilarating experience. I just feel enlightenment is around the corner. Even if i don't get it, i would have led a life of growth, purpose and fun.

astronomy for all

As is the norm, every day my daughter would ask me to narrate to her a new story. I did come across a small story from our puranas and i narrated it to her, the gist of the contents are as follows..
"Dhruv a small boy of about 5 years, yearns to sit on the lap of his father. But his step mother who doesn't like that idea as she wants her own son to inherit his father's lap tells him that he is not very fortunate since he is not born to her. Frustrated Dhruv goes to his actual mother and asks her what to do. She tells him to go find out Lord Narayana and He would grant him all the boons. Dhruv ultimately realizes Lord Narayana and the Lord would grant him many boons one of which is that Dhruv would become a star and live forever ".
Last week my daughter came up to me and asked for the Pole star to be shown in the sky. I just came from office with all the mess i read on the internet and my initial answer to her was, please don't bother me "i am tired". But she wouldn't listen. Then i had to go upstairs and i look at the sky for the first time in years. I don't know which star is which. As all children think, my daughter thought i am a great guy. In order not to disappoint her i told her the sky is not pretty clear and we can't see. She wasn't convinced. She looked up and said there are so many stars out there, you can't show me the pole star. Then i did what all people of my ilk would do, took resort to google and searched for the pole star. It said, it is some distance from the big dipper. Now i had to show her the big dipper and why it is called big dipper.. then explain to her where the pole star is. While all this happened, i lost my patience and shouted at her "enough is enough it is getting cold.. go and study".
Latter in the night i started introspecting. I realized i never studied anything expecting one day my kids would come to me for answers. All along i studied for myself, for my own satisfaction. Look at me, i cannot spend enough time with my daughter peacefully, fully listen to her questions, and affectionately answer them. My desire was to be right about the facts but what that poor girl wanted was to be right about feelings. I don't want another life, but should my karmic actions force me to have one, i would rather be a small-time villager.

Bheemeswari rafting episode

30 Aug 2008
Nineteen of us from the same team start off to Bhimeswari Fishing camp around 120 kms off Bangalore. It was a crisp morning – slightly humid and dry. We reached there around 10 AM. Twelve of us went for rafting on the river cauvery. There were two guides to guide each of the rafts. The guide started off with his instructions on – how to hold the oar, how to paddle it in water, what is the stop position, what is the forward action and backward action etc. . The second guide was hurrying the expedition through, since the sun was about to set in about an hour, and an hour is all we got to reach the destination 7 kms from the camp. I had a feeling that the second guide was very irresponsible but I just brushed it away in anticipation of the current trip to give me some exhilarating experience of the nature. I set out in the second raft paddling at right front. First five kms was a very pleasant ride through the green mountains and an unrestricted view of the vast expanse of sky with its pleasant mix of colors. Just then I cut a joke about Naveen that I need to assign his task to someone else. Guide hollered his instruction that I need to swap my place with the left front – Vishnu, which I did. I was getting adjusted to paddle in the other direction. Suddenly the guide shouted fast forward. We started paddling furiously. It was a judgmental error on the part of the guide I guess, if the right side is strong he had to navigate through the left of the rock, but I think he made us go through the right and swapped places. I realized that the right side was not paddling correctly as a result of which the boat swerved to the left and tilted enough to throw me off balance into those roaring waters.


For the first time in my life I was in a rapid – I have no clue as to what to do. I did two rafting trips earlier – one in the river of rogue and the other one in Rishikesh. I had remembered life saving instructions from my previous experiences –
1. Not to leave my oar ever – should there be any stones on the way it is easy to fend them.
2. Take time to quiet down and look for help.
I followed those instructions. It was two to three minutes before I was in a position to assess my situation. My entire body below my nose was in water. I could see my boat drifting faster than me and leaving me along in those rapids. I go down into water sometime to look at the huge rocks that would brush my knees and hips-sorrow. I come up to see the furious waves of water about to engulf me- despair. As I was struggling to get used to this new condition of moving from sorrow to despair, my first thought was what are the chances that I could get saved. I realized that I was left to myself all alone in those turbulent waters. I don’t even know when those rapids would end. The possibility of any rescue seemed very remote- evening light was slowly fading; it was about to rain and a dooms-day possibility seemed near at hand. As my mind was busily working away the chances of my survival, a powerful energy surge went through me and made me chant the mantra that my guru(Sri Amma and Bhagavan ) has taught me. As I go down again, I would see huge boulders and feel with awe the enormity of water and it’s fury. As I float up, I see the sky, water and its colors and feel with immense gratitude the fury of water. I see the same energy engulfing me from all sides. I gave up to it. Once in a while, my active mind would wake up and tell me that the chances of my being rescued are nil and only support I have is the oar still in my hand. I was quiet inside all along. I know for sure whatever intellectual debates that mind can make up – there is an energy(some one might call it God, inner confidence, presence etc..) out there which is hundreds of thousands more powerful than anything else I can think of, which has the power to steer us all. One might be tempted to call this a freak incident but I call it fate. I can give you this reasoning.
50% chances of my visiting the place,
50% chance I would get into water
50% chance that my wife would allow it to happen
50% chance that I should get into the second boat
and 15% chance I should be in the front seat
and 100% chance I should get a dud guide(I had a female guide when I rafted in the river of Rogue, Oregon – she was new to that course of water and never had any prior rescue experience and I ultimately ended up in providing one to her).
0.1% chance that I could be picked up in India –
you can figure out it is a meager 0.01% of happening.
And such a thing occurred itself is sure enough an indication of the power of fate.


Folks from the other raft looked at my helmet and thought that an experienced swimmer was doing some antiques in the river - but their guide spotted my helmet and asked them to push hard towards me. Suddenly I saw the other raft approaching me but I wasn’t positive that they would be able to pull me out as I had already seen my raft passing me without making an effort. I guess the waters slowed down a bit. They could come towards me and pull me out. I don't know what would have happened had they not spotted my helmet. In just 5 minutes time the whole place became dark. I think I spent close to 15 mins(that was my psychological time, latter i confirmed with others i would have spent close to 5 mins) in those turbulent waters. I can never simulate this experience for sure. I was so quiet that everyone was surprised. I hadn’t uttered one word for help except my prayers while in water. Once back on the land I was analyzing with my active mind what went on in me. I am sure He pushed me, He saved me, He showed me that He is there. I could have raised a big cry and someone might save me, but I am sure His hidden hand would be in there as well. I think my analysis can go wrong but still He is constant irrespective of whatever reason I come up with. For the next two hours I was praying Him silently – not because He saved me, but He chose to show me His infinite and limitless form. He can be infinitely compassionate as well as infinitely furious. Aug 30th 2008 is etched forever in my memories. Whenever I need to pray, I just need to think of that incident and prayer would happen in no time. I had to promise my wife that I would never take up these kinds of adventures in future. I am already thinking of going to Badrinath and Kedarnath.

random thoughts

If we all can get addicted to bad, why not good things?